(Sharing this post I wrote a few weeks ago whilst I was going through some horrible feelings of anxiety – it’s still a blessing to me as I read it and I hope it will be a blessing to you too xxx)
You may have experienced it before, that feeling where no matter how hard you might want to or you might try to you just can’t seem to be still. It could be because you feel that something is about to happen or something needs to happen, maybe it’s a mixture of both but you can’t seem to shake that anxious feeling.
That’s how I felt this morning. I was restless and anxious because I was upset with myself. I was upset that I didn’t have it more together, I couldn’t understand why I was struggling to achieve a particular goal and that made me feel inadequate. I had already spent the last few days giving myself a pep talk you know… being really kind, compassionate and understanding with myself, after all I’m only human and that means I’m not perfect yet…. deep inside a part of me didn’t expect that it would be this hard to create change.Deep inside me I didn't expect it would be THIS hard to create change. Click To Tweet
I guess that’s what really hurt, because I was coming face to face with the conflict between a deep seated desire and my own inadequacy to create it. Being online around other women who seem to have it all together can often be really difficult too, even though I know for a fact that they don’t have it all together it’s often the sum of all the online noise and messages that can bring you to a place where somehow you believe that if you work hard enough, or want something hard enough then you can make it happen. For me that’s where I guess part of the restlessness came in.
We are always taking in and integrating messages from other people, and as someone who has Type A tendencies (I really can’t deny it) I am pulled towards action. When I wake up in the morning, I want to get busy, I want to start working, I want to do something, I enjoy the stimulation, I want to create something yet I know that I should practice stillness more. To be honest I know that I need this probably more than the average person, I live with a chronic illness that switches on and heightens my response to stress which means that even small things can make me feel anxious. I know this about myself, that’s why I try to be really compassionate and gracious with myself, it’s important for me to practice stillness.
But you know that frustration you feel when you believe that you really want something but can’t seem to make it happen? That’s how I felt. So stirred up inside, too stirred up to read the Bible and too stirred up to pray. As I sat at the kitchen table, bowing my head over clasped hands I knew exactly what I should do. I needed to enter into that place of rest and stillness again. Sitting there I realised that so often whenever I go through a situation that makes me feel anxious or afraid I repeat to myself the scripture “I can do all things through Messiah who strengthens me” it’s all about taking action, but sometimes we need that Grace of God to embrace and practice stillness.
Even though I felt so restless, ready to jump up and try to solve this problem so that the dull ache inside my soul would go away. Even though I felt so frustrated and upset with myself and I knew that the enemy wanted me to focus on my failures and inadequacies and get so depressed and down about it all. I knew that none of those things would give me the peace that I truly craved. I needed to fight my biology and psychology to enter into that promised rest and I needed the Grace of God. I am reminded of the scripture,
“not by power or might, but by my Spirit says YHWH” Zechariah 4:6
There is a place where our own strength can’t take us – no matter how many times we may say to ourselves that we can do all things through Messiah who strengthens us, there is a place where relying on your own might is just not enough. Going against your modus operandi (normal way of behaving) is one of those.
I probably spent an hour in that sacred place, just resting and enjoying the stillness and peace that flows out of it. And whilst I was there I said no words, just allowed my heart to speak, all my fears, worries and concerns and listened, I listened to God and I listened to myself. I realised that the true power doesn’t come from all the actions we take, all our energy and fighting but as Moses said to the people of Israel:
“only stand still and see the salvation of YHWH” Exodus 14:13
I know that I can get so caught up at times with creating and doing, that I forget to be and in that being, practice stillness. In the stillness is where we find the answers to the issues we face in life, in the stillness is where God deals with the Egyptians in our life that want to keep us bound, in the stillness is where we get our deliverance and experience salvation.
God spoke to me in that stillness. And one of the things I realised was this, sometimes the most profound breakthroughs come as a result of the simplest of accomplishments. The world expects so much from us but what does God expect from us, to find our rest in Him. In that space where hope blooms, so much is made possible
SelahSometimes the most profound breakthroughs come from the simplest of accomplishments Click To Tweet
Did this blog post speak to you? I would love to hear your thoughts and maybe you’ll even consider joining me over in my Facebook group.