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Health

How to overcome Negative Beliefs that are Keeping you Stuck

We all suffer from unhelpful, negative beliefs but, some of us suffer more than is necessary.  Have you ever been in a situation where you had to make a life-changing decision and was faced with two choices: a bad choice which seemed like the attractive easy option and the best choice that looked tough to swallow.  It might not be a life-altering situation in the sense of the heavens opening or life and death stuff – but you’d be amazed at how even the smallest choices that we make can have a knock on effect on the overall path we take.

In psychology, namely Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) there is an argument that your thoughts will dictate your footsteps.  This ties in with Biblical truth, as Yeshua taught us the importance of our beliefs in co-creating our reality and then there is the favourite quote of Christian who favour CBT:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2, ESV)

I have seen this truth in my own everyday experiences, the lies that we tell ourselves can easily become reality if and when we let them take root in our actions. So I’m really excited to start my Advanced practice Diploma in CBT shortly!

The lies that we tell ourselves can easily become reality if we let them take root in our actions Click To Tweet

Beliefs are the result of thoughts which we allow to take root in our heart so that they become a part of us.  I want to go back to that example of being at the crossroad of making an important decision.  In Corner A we have the wrong choice that looks attractive and over in Corner B we’ve got the hard-looking right choice.  What are some of the thoughts that go through our head in such a situation?

How about:

  • Rationalising why you think Corner A should win the fight. You’ll start to make excuses and defend why you should take that option.  You might say that “it’s not as bad as it looks”, “you can fix it/make amends etc at a later date”, “nobody will know, tell the difference etc.” and other blatant lies designed to ease your conscience.
  • Turning inwards to your emotions – this happens when you focus on how choosing Option B might make you feel, the distress it would cause, fear, panic, discomfort etc and justify not going down that route to avoid such unpleasant experiences.
  • Working harder – by trying to create an option C which is really an escape route.  This option may include being extra good, kind, diligent in order to reduce the feelings of discomfort in case you decide to go down the ‘wrong’ path.  Or you might decide to try a half-way point, which in all honesty, never seems to work – right?

So there you are faced with a conundrum of which choice to make, all because of a selection of thoughts which are going round and round your head.  Which thoughts win out will ultimately determine which option you choose and we have all been guilty of making the wrong choices.

The Origin of Negative Thoughts

Where do these negative thoughts come from?  Psychologists don’t have much to say on the origin of these thoughts, they just seem to pop into your head “POP” and you own them for yourself.  But, the Bible tells us that these thoughts are not actually our own thoughts but are either 1) the lies of the enemy spoken to us at that present time or 2) internalised experiences and their associated emotions which resurface from our psyche.  An example of number two could be words that have been spoken directly to us or in our hearing that make us feel anxious, threatened or afraid about taking a particular course of action. I’ve written a number of posts on the importance of words which you might want to check out here, as our words show what is on the inside of us.

So back to what I was saying, those words or thoughts come straight from the Deceiver (did you know that in Hebrew, Satan actually means Deceiver?)  John 8:44 tells us that HaSatan (literally The Deceiver) is the Father of all Lies, I have come to realise that whenever Satan talks he is lying.  But how can you tell if it’s a lie of the enemy or if it’s truth?  One way that I have found to work well is the fear factor, if the thought is accompanied by fear or anxiety, if it causes unrest within my spirit then generally it is a lie designed to  bring out those very emotions.  Generally when I look the fear straight in the eye, the fear is replaced by a supernatural calm which strengthens me by Grace to take the action that I would otherwise flee from.

Ungodly fear is conquored when we understand that it is not from God & look it in the eyes. Click To Tweet

How to overcome Negative Beliefs and create a healthier reality

If we want to target negative beliefs we have to focus on those thoughts which create and strengthen those beliefs.  In my book Heal your Life, I talk about how your thoughts are the gateway between your heart/soul and reality and the importance of guarding our hearts. That is the role of our thoughts. One of the things which has helped me tremendously in relation to stopping negative thoughts is ‘thought stopping’.  It’s the process of catching negative thoughts and putting a stop to them.  At first glance it sounds if not ridiculous then down right difficult, how can one catch their thoughts and stop them?  Well, the truth is that you probably thought stop without realising you do it they key is to become aware of your thoughts and put them through a ‘thought filter’.  Here’s what the Bible says about thought filtering:

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)

How to Transform negative beliefsThe Word of God is a fantastic filter which has helped me tremendously the more I have focused on it’s truth and I feel sure you must have a similar experience.  The basic way of using YHWH’s Word as a filter is to check the voice and the words we are receiving to God’s Word and as the scripture says take it captive – lock it away.  But how do we do this practically? Here are a few examples from my life:

  1. While I was at university I had an ‘episode’, at the time I was taking antidepressants and wasn’t in such a great state.  One night as I was alone in hubby’s room, I heard a voice saying things that were definitely not my own thoughts.  I was so scared my only recourse was to pray.  You may not realise it but prayer is a way of stopping negative thoughts because we focus on God and His power over our current perceived reality.  I am happy to say that was the last time I heard such ‘thoughts’.
  2. Sometimes repetitive thoughts will pop up into my head, generally when I’ve been exposed to something I shouldn’t have.  These thoughts can be real tough to stop and prayer isn’t quite enough to shift them, in such cases I sing hymns and praise and worship songs.  The idea here is that the mind can only focus on one thing at a time, by forcing my attention onto something of God I trick my mind into letting go of that thought and soon I can’t even remember what I was thinking about in the first place.
  3. I used to suffer a lot with fear and anxiety, I used to think that demons were continuously watching me preparing all kinds of manner of doom and gloom for me.  It was so bad that I used to pre-empt bad things happening to those around me that I love and imagine the scenario in my head – you can probably imagine the misery.  I was overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.  I bought a meditation CD filled with scriptures on fear, worry and anxiety – I played the CD everyday sometimes several times a day and over time the scriptures became embedded in my brain.  Before I knew it, I was using these scriptures and others to counter the lies of the enemy and the grip of fear in my life.

If there was one thing that I would want to share with you before I round up today it’s the importance of developing awareness of your thoughts and beliefs.  In order to successfully thought stop and use God’s Word as a filter, we need to get to the place where we are consciously aware of the stream of thoughts which go through our head instead of passively reacting to them.  I think ultimately this will impact our ability to turn negative beliefs into healthy, functional ones  which are in line with the Word of YHWH.

Take Action: spend five minutes noticing the flow of your thoughts, are there any repetitive thought patterns?  These are the ones you need to pay most attention to as the chances are they are active in affecting your everyday decisions and strengthening core beliefs.

I would love to hear from you – do you have any thought stopping or thought filtering techniques which have worked for you?

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6 Comments January 15, 2016

Comments

  1. feyikemi says

    January 15, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    Very interesting read. Thank you. Yes there are linkages between decisions and destiny. And our decisions are informed by our thoughts, belief and perception.

    Reply
  2. andrea says

    January 15, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    It’s ALL gotta start with the Word… 🙂

    Reply
  3. Danielle Wells says

    January 20, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    This is a great post packed with information! I’ve always found that prayer helps keep negative or scary thoughts at bay!

    Reply
  4. María Hass says

    January 23, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Oh wow. Yes. I’ve been taking more inventory of my internal dialogue, specially when I feel depressed. I downloaded the Abide Prayer App, it’s Christian meditation with Scripture and relaxing music… When I have a rough time I focus on listening and internalizing the Scripture I hear instead of my own swirling thoughts. All this to say, I’m still learning and I have a long way to go… So your posts have been tremendously helpful!

    Reply
  5. Sheila Rogers says

    March 4, 2016 at 4:23 pm

    I loved your examples, your honesty, candidness. Many times we don’t even stop to think about what is going on in our heads, but we react to it. Great advice!

    Reply
    • Florence Ukpabi says

      March 10, 2016 at 9:34 am

      Thank you so much Sheila, I’m glad it blessed you and than you so much for stopping over.

      Reply

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florenceachama

Helping #womenoffaith overcome fear & limiting beliefs and heal inner wounds to live truly confident, soul-aligned, on-purpose and abundant lives.

Instagram post 2114213830129559549_2120840373 Celebrating love and a new life with an amazing man that I get to call husband from now on.

Thank you to Chris Odukwe for these beautiful photos and everyone that made this day so special 🙏🏽😊😍♥️
Instagram post 2071000989440540162_2120840373 I deal in Hope because I know that my clients have often battled depression just like I have.

Whether you want to call it biological or situational it doesn't matter but living with depression is one of the scariest, darkest, painful and loneliest places to live.

And often a depressed person doesn't simply want to fold their hands and let life wash over them, like everyone else they yearn for freedom, expression, sun and laughter but don't know how.

On the outside many are highly functioning, you can find them in all walks of life, they get up and do what they have to do but inside they are crying and maybe even dying. Depression takes its toil, especially on those who have learnt busy to "get on with it" but because we're self denying it comes up in different ways, physical manifestations, confidence and relational problems to name a few.  So whilst they may excel in an area and as much as they may try the latest counseling or therapy they don't have the tools to help them transform their thinking where it matters the most.

I know because I've been there and maybe it's what attracts my clients to me, because they've heard my story and seen my journey and can see what is possible and it does become possible for them.

I'm here to say that the tools to overcome depression do exist, praise God and you can live in greater abundance and fullness of life from the inside out. Yes it's a journey but my clients see a massive turnaround in their experience of life: from their well-being, confidence, happiness, joy to their ability to transform their careers, start up a new or give life and love to an old business or maybe make space in their life for new relationships in 10-12 sessions.

If this speaks to you and you want to know how I can help you apply for one of my Confidence Kickstarter sessions:  https://florenceachamaukpabi.as.me/be-courageous
Instagram post 2068391375775571501_2120840373 ➡️ How embracing my WHAT more is bringing me more Joy & Peace

Yesterday I received a beautiful revelation on healing after a anointed time of prayer and worship at church yesterday - it touched me so much that I shared it over on my page.

One of the things I spoke about was my own healing journey and how God led me to Cognitive hypnotherapy training to continue to do the work that He has called and anointed me to do.

People have stopped asking me about question re how I marry hypnotherapy with my faith because they see that it hasn't changed me or taken me over to the "dark side" but instead, it has deepened my faith and belief even more.

One of the things I especially love is that how it has helped me understand the human brain and psyche a whole lot more, I always knew that we were fearfully and wonderfully made but my deepening understanding has shown me this in a whole new way.

The other thing that I love is that it has given me a practical way of using words in a more powerful way to create deeper and lasting change.  For the last few weeks I've done a couple of lives to illustrate how I use words and perception in a way that includes and honours God to bring healing and transformation, to show how hypnotherapy is a tool that can bring you closer to God and not further from Him. I did just that in the live that I shared today on the healing revelation I received and I was so emotional at end because I felt God's presence and it was a blessing that I could be used to help other people receive the truth more deeply into their heart.

What I'm trying to say, is that for a long time I was under the false belief that to be truly spiritual and to love God meant that your spirituality and faith had to look a certain way - now I realise that's not true.

Maybe you're not traditional in your what but that doesn't take away from who you are and your faith walk, it's more than OK to be different 🙌🏾🙌🏾. I love how YHWH in His Divine wisdom carves out our paths for us, and I'm encouraged and blessed to know that I can bring new depths if faith, healing and transformation to the lives of the ladies I work with using the tools, experience and knowledge I have. ♥️
Instagram post 2065187840619703268_2120840373 WHAT MINDSET WORK SOUNDS LIKE TO ME

I was listening to a Money Mindset coach talk and she said something like "releasing every fear, every assumption, every block that was getting in the way". And just listening to her it sounded so much like the kinda prayer that you would make when you're breaking and bringing down strongholds.

We are told to: "pull down reasonings and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and we take all minds (thoughts) prisoner to the obedience of The Messiah." (2 Cor 10:15)

Wowsers!!!! Why I share this is because there are principles that are in the Bible that are also utilised within the secular world or people with different faiths that they use even to a better and more effective degree than Christians at times.

What this coach was saying is that she didn't just speak about it but was about it, this was her way of life for a good few months and it resulted in her as a coach bringing in a 15k client.

Now for you, if you're not a coach it might not be your goal but it doesn't matter, what matters is whether you are doing what the scripture says.

Are you actively pulling down every thought that springs up in your mind that goes against the mind of Christ?

Do you know HOW to do this?

This is one of the reasons my clients choose to work with me because I show them the HOW of the Bible not just the WHAT and I teach them HOW to change their thinking, their emotions and their habits so that it can change their lives.

Who else wants to know HOW to do these things?

You can schedule a Courage & Confidence Discovery call with me today to see how I can help you to renew your thinking and transform your reality go to link in profile or

https://florenceachamaukpabi.as.me/be-courageous
Instagram post 2063208028349677253_2120840373 There is nothing unusual or unique under the sun, that’s one of the lessons we learn from the Bible but sometimes we forget this and we think that a situation that we are going through is unique to us. Over the weekend I was reminded why the work that I do is so important because if I have struggled with fear and anxiety before to the extent that it’s crippled me, kept me second-guessing myself and staying in a situation that was slowly eating away at my soul then so have and are others. 
This picture was taken 4 years ago during a time when like a butterfly I was slowly unfolding and trying to stretch towards the sun.  I was attracted to yellow and other beautiful colours because I had been hidden away for so long. 
THIS is why I do the work I do, I know that I offer to others what I needed and would have wanted others to offer to me during the days that I felt that I had nothing to live for and could only see a looming empty darkness. It’s why personal growth and inner healing and transformation work is so dear to my heart, it’s why I still seek someone more knowledgeable and skilled to walk with me through some of the trials I face day-by-day because I realise that when you’ve gone through traumatic life experiences it takes much more effort and courage to create a life that you love than the average Josephine. 
So I show up for the people who want to embrace abundance and fullness of life but struggle with fighting their own inner landscape, maybe they’ve tried before and failed or they’ve tried before and had some success but can’t take themselves any further, they need someone to walk with them through their valleys and give them the courage and confidence to climb their mountains so that they can experience what it feels like to reach the summit.

We talk about potential all the time, but for me, although the work can be very deep, there is something especially rewarding about helping someone to see and believe that they can be, have and do more than they otherwise felt because of past hurts or negative experiences. 
If you're ready to move beyond the hurt and the fear, to grow and evolve, reach out to me and let's talk.

Mwahhhh ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Instagram post 2060176612121827774_2120840373 TIME SENSITIVE - THIS ENDS TOMORROW

This is for my sisters who are ready to overcome the grip of fear in their lives. 
If you're ready to stop allowing fear to stop you from living an authentic, confidence and courageous life that allows you to live fully, freely and on-purpose then I invite you to apply for one of my 7 limited Confidence Kickstarter Coaching Sessions.

Here's what you'll get support with during our session: • Discover what is unconsciously keeping you stuck, small, settling or in survival mode instead of living a fuller, soul-aligned and on-purpose life
• Along the way, I’ll also share some powerful strategies that will help you move past fear and kickstart your confidence
• The one simple step you can take immediately to begin to experience tangible results that will help you walk in greater confidence and purpose from now on. 
HERE'S HOW TO APPLY 
Click the link in my bio to be taken to complete my 6-question only online application which will be super easy for you to fill because we’re talking about the desires of your heart here which I’m sure is something that you really don’t need to think much about because you’re already hungry for it to manifest like yesterday!!! However, it is important to note that you MUST complete the application and you MUST answer all 6 questions in order to be eligible for this gift Confidence Kickstarter Coaching session. 
https://florenceukpabi.typeform.com/to/ongAvE

I'll notify you of whether you're successful via email so watch out for an email from me over the weekend.

Until then, have an awesome and blessed rest of the week. 
Achama xoxo

Courage and Confidence Coach for Women of Faith
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