The Gift you secretly want but you don’t

Who doesn’t like to receive a gift? Not you right? Well, how sure are you about that? Because I’ve noticed that it’s often the very things that we want the most that we have a nasty habit of running away screaming from.

So you want to see a change in X and you’ve been praying for it, but how about those nasty self-sabotaging behaviours that you have been acting out to subconsciously push it away?

Uh-huh, you didn’t think about those, did you?

Yes, it’s true, we can often be our very worst enemies when it comes to receiving the best that God wants for us.

So often we find it's the very things that we want the most that we have a nasty habit of running away fromI think the problem is that we have become so used to “faking it until we make it” or even worse, living in denial. We keep looking ahead until the day that it will magically materialise and the result is we have no idea how to deal with receiving it in our mess right now.

What I mean is that it’s easier to hold a fantasy or a dream in our head and think about what it might look like when it manifests in the future than to try and reach out and accept the gift today.

And I want you to know that it is a gift, God doesn’t give it to us because we are deserving or because we followed a formula or blueprint or because we’ve been acting a particular way, He gives it to us because He wants to bless us. We are messy, imperfectly perfect beings striving towards living in soul image of the Son and maybe one of the biggest lessons we need to learn is the courage, vulnerability and authenticity to receive and accept the gift.

Because truly, it’s such a shame that the very things we desire the most, the things that we’ve prayed and cried over are the things that when God holds out to us we shrink away from in fear. To allow yourself to reach out and take a hold of that gift right now despite your worries, fears and insecurities, that’s courage right there.

To let down your guard and own up to your mess and love yourself through it by accepting that gift whilst simultaneously knowing that you don’t “deserve it”, that’s vulnerability right there.

To stop pretending and lying to yourself that someday, somehow in the distant future when you’ve got your stuff together that you will have earned the gift and be worthy of it. Instead, you recognise that in trying to be you are missing out on being as fully you and blessed as you can be in the moment, that is authenticity.

And it does irk me when I hear people say things like “fake it until you make it” because I’m like “what do you mean? Who should I try/pretend to be?”

This fixation with projecting a lie does much more damage than good, the effort you spend on faking it whilst simultaneously trying to make it can best be spent on becoming the person who can courageously receive the gift today.

Because it is hard, scary and everything else that causes us to run. And of course, faking it won’t stop that from being the case, it’ll only keep you in that place of insecurity and inferiority for longer. But if you chose to acknowledge the fear today, if you chose to acknowledge the panic, the doubt, the shame and whatever else is being dredged up from within you then you have the power to look it in the eyes and say, “I see you but I still choose to receive the blessing of this gift”.

That my darling is true victory and power. That is what will help you live the beautiful life that God desires for you and be the courageous woman you know you are already deep down inside.

And don’t get me wrong honey, I am not immune to this, in fact, I am here right now but that’s why I write and share from my heart to yours. Because yes, although we haven’t done anything to deserve the gift yet we are still counted worthy of receiving it, so wouldn’t it be the biggest slight to YHWH to throw it back in His face?

I think so.

In HIS Love always.

Love hearing from you

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